


The Pride of Temeria

by Llama1412



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Gen, Platonic Cuddling, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Puppy Piles, Recreational Drug Use, Sleeping Together, Team Bonding, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25565440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llama1412/pseuds/Llama1412
Summary: The Blue Stripes are Temeria's elite Special Forces Unit. Their mission is to hunt down the Scoia'tael, but in between fighting and drilling, they get up to an awful lot of shenanigans.“He looks like he’s dead,” Shorty said, poking the sleeping form of their commanding officer with a stick.“Shorty!” Silas hissed shrilly. The newbie was still scared of breaking rules and he fidgeted nervously.“What?” Shorty shrugged, “He sleeps like the dead, it’s fine. As long as he’s not actually dead, anyway.”“He’s not,” Ves, their erstwhile second in command, rolled her eyes. “He’s just fucking weird.”“Are you sure he’s okay? How can he possibly breathe like that?” Igo frowned in worry, which wasn’t surprising for the man who had accidentally become their de facto team therapist.“What he needs,” Thirteen pointed in what would have been a dramatic gesture if not for the drunken stumble, “is a goo’ pair o’ tits to bury his face in.”
Relationships: Blue Stripes & Vernon Roche, Iorveth/Vernon Roche
Comments: 14
Kudos: 51





	The Pride of Temeria

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Franz](https://franzwantscoffee.tumblr.com/) and [Void_Punk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Void_Punk/pseuds/Void_Punk) for coming up with the top tier concept of Pillow Tits. The lovely Franz drew this adorable art of him and Roche (and bonus Iorveth) [here!](https://franzwantscoffee.tumblr.com/post/624861478631178240/so-i-was-talking-to-void-punk-and-bard-llama)  
> [Here's](https://1orweth.tumblr.com/post/624429726743822336/djkaeru-because-someone-send-me-this) a screencap of how Roche apparently sleeps.

It took a lot of work to make it into the elite Blue Stripes unit. The eight-man squad consisted of the best of the best: the smartest candidates, the sharpest marksmen, the strongest soldiers.

Which didn’t explain why they were all currently standing in a circle around the cot of one Vernon Roche, the leader of their little cadre. The man himself was lying facedown on his pillow, limbs spread as if he’d just flopped down and ceased to move. 

“He looks like he’s dead,” Shorty said, poking the sleeping form of their commanding officer with a stick.

“Shorty!” Silas hissed shrilly. The newbie was still scared of breaking rules and he fidgeted nervously. 

“What?” Shorty shrugged, “He sleeps like the dead, it’s fine. As long as he’s not actually dead, anyway.”

“He’s not,” Ves, their erstwhile second in command, rolled her eyes. “He’s just fucking weird.”

“Are you sure he’s okay? How can he possibly breathe like that?” Igo frowned in worry, which wasn’t surprising for the man who had accidentally become their de facto team therapist.

“What he needs,” Thirteen pointed in what would have been a dramatic gesture if not for the drunken stumble, “is a goo’ pair o’ tits to bury his face in.”

“Well, we’ve only got one of those around here, and she’ll probably carve your face off if you suggest it.” Finch shrugged casually. He was the only one of them sitting down and he was cross legged next to Roche’s left foot, slowly littering the ground with wood shavings as he carved curls off a branch to keep his hands busy.

“You’re fucking right I will!” Ves snarled. As she was fond of saying, ‘these tits don’t exist for male consumption’.

Fenn laughed to himself as the idea of a lifetime occurred to him. “Since you’re worried about him,” he nudged Igo, “maybe you should move him. Bet you 20 orens he won’t wake up.” 

And he wouldn’t, Fenn knew that for sure. Roche had once slept through the time Shorty had decided to “modify” their grapeshot bomb stash and nearly blown them all up. Then there was that time a donkey had run straight through their camp and evaded all attempts at capture until the whole unit had screamed themselves hoarse. Except for their beloved Commander Vernon Roche, who had snorted in his sleep and turned over. 

The fucking donkey never even bothered him, even though  _ Fenn’s _ supplies all got trappled.

Igo shrugged in response – they were all always up for easy money, after all – and reached for Roche. And then, the thing Fenn had been waiting for happened.

Igo was a big man, burly and broader than a tree trunk and ready to deadlift any of them at any second. Roche was – well, he was short. He didn’t seem it when he was awake, but asleep with all of his slightly-manic energy contained? Roche looked downright tiny next to Igo. Which just made everything even funnier, because the moment Igo touched Roche’s shoulders, Roche rolled over, flipped Igo onto the ground, and cuddled up against him all without waking up.

His squadmates stared, but Fenn couldn’t help breaking down laughing. Maybe Thirteen was right, because with Roche’s face smothered in Igo’s chest, it really did look like he was pillowed by a nice pair of tits. Fenn was almost jealous.

But mostly he was desperately trying to breathe around his giggles. Ves was the next one to break, snorting and clapping a hand to her face to cackle into. The others abruptly followed until Fenn was wiping tears from his eyes.

“Did you know that would happen?” Igo asked him with narrowed eyes. His arms wrapped loosely around Roche like he was totally at ease with being cuddled by his commanding officer. Then again, Igo had smoked the good herbs earlier, so he probably was. 

Fenn just smirked. It wouldn’t do to give away trade secrets, after all. Not that there was much trade to volunteering himself as the team bookie, but it was a role he took to with great pride and gravitas. And profit.

“He’s actually a really good cuddler,” Igo said, wiggling his way back onto Roche’s cot without disturbing his charge. 

Silas choked. “You did  _ not _ just call our  _ Commanding Officer _ a good cuddler!”

“But he is! He’s really comfortable, actually. No stray elbows or anything!”

“Now I kinda wanna try,” Shorty said, inching closer.

Ves cleared her throat. “He may not wake up  _ now,  _ but you do realize he will wake up eventually.”

Fenn shrugged, “Igo’s tits seem comfortable enough. I bet you 50 orens he wakes up well rested and surprisingly calm.”

“Ha!” Thirteen took a swig from his flask, “I’ll take that bet!”

Silas worried his lip, “I really don’t think we should be making bets about the Commander.”

“Nah, I asked him, he said it’s fine,” Fenn clapped the kid’s – anyone under 30 was a kid to him – shoulder. “You in?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I–”

“Perfect. That’ll be 50 orens for the pot.” He held out his hand and made grabby motions, smirk growing as Silas’s face turned almost purple.

“Leave the newbie alone, Fenn,” Ves sighed. She hated it when they misbehaved enough that she had to stop having fun and actually be responsible.

“I’m serious,” Shorty said. He believed that stroking his stubble made him look sophisticated, so, sure enough, he stroked his chin. “Bet Igo is nice and warm right now.”

Igo hummed, closing his eyes as if he intended to go to sleep right then and there.

Even Ves reassessed the cuddled pair. It had been bitterly cold all day long and even wearing his best winter gear, Fenn wasn’t able to get warm, and he doubted the others had been either. But Igo, Igo was relaxing like he was completely content, not bothered by the cold at all.

“Fuck it,” Finch said and flopped down onto Igo’s chest next to Roche. “Ooooh, this is nice. How is Bossman so warm?”

“Is he really?” Ves asked, a light in her eyes that said whatever happened next was probably going to end up bruising at least one person.

She dove forward to claim the free space on Roche’s other side and suddenly it was a mad scramble to find somewhere to sleep as close to their warm Commanding Officer and their wonderfully mellow pillow. 

Shorty nuzzled sleepily into Igo’s bicep. “You’re the best pillow ever. I dub thee Pillow Tits from this moment forward and forever more.”

There were a few chuckles, but Igo – or rather, Pillow Tits – just wrapped his arms around as many of them he could reach and drew them closer. It was probably the most comfortable Fenn had ever felt in his life.

“Assuming he doesn’t kill us tomorrow,” Fenn yawned, “the new betting pool prize is going to be cuddle privileges with the Commander.”

“Deal!” Six voices carroused and Fenn closed his eyes with a laugh.

It was the best sleep he’d ever had in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Coming soon? Iorveth meets the family. He is shooketh.
> 
> This ship inspired me to start a rare pair discord, so if you're interested in joining and chatting about these dumbasses or other Witcher rare pairs, [come join us](https://discord.gg/Ye9f3Fa)


End file.
